Tips of the Toes

The only constant in this job is change.

That was what I was told about this job during our two weeks of training. Be ready for anything. I’ve also learned that in this job I have to be ready to not be shocked about anything. The youth do all sorts of stupid and silly things all the time. We usually catch them. Sometimes we don’t though. And if I’m not ready to be surprised, then I’ll be caught off guard and won’t be able to properly respond. In this job we have to stay vigilant. We have to stay flexible. We can’t allow them to put us back on our heels. We can’t be caught flat footed. We have to constantly be doing this job on the tips of our toes.


There’s a million oddities about being a family-teacher, but one of the elements that stands out is just how quickly big life-changing decisions can be made. Sarah and I haven’t had an assistant working with us since April. In May one of our girls graduated from high school here and another girl left the program successfully.

About a month and a half ago we welcomed a new girl into our home. She was with us for about two weeks before she was transferred to another home due to a specific behavioral issue that wouldn’t be good for our home. But the morning the decision was made was no different than any other morning. We got up. Ate breakfast, and before noon we were told she was going to transfer out of our home.

There was nothing special on the calendar yesterday. A few appointments here and there. We were making orange chicken for dinner. Maybe take a trip to the mall. But in the late afternoon we get a call from our consultant that we are going to get a transfer from another home. A few hours later she’s making her bed and putting away her clothes in her room. She went to the mall with Sarah and the others.

It’s amazing to me how quickly things can change. Within a few hours we were told we would be getting a new girl in our home and now she’s here. We are responsible for teaching to her, for feeding her, for keeping her safe, and for helping her in school and with her referral behaviors. Earlier in the day we had eight people as a part of the Seaman family. Now we have nine. Next week we could have ten. What an amazing thing. But it happens so fast it’s hard to even understand or reflect on it all.

Helpful Resources in My Life Right Now

Over the course of the past two years or so I’ve been on somewhat of an individual and intentional faith retreat. I just made that phrase up, so I’m not sure if that even makes any sense, but that’s just what it feels like. Since moving to the Omaha area, my wife and I have felt fairly homeless in each church community we’ve attempted to be a part of, for varying reasons. As Sarah and I have navigated all sorts of challenges and twists and turns in our life together, I have been assessing my own faith and its foundations in my life. There have been all sorts of people, podcasts, books, articles, TV shows, conversations, and simple life encounters that have helped me progress on my journey. There are a few that are especially helpful right now in my life that I thought I would share.

The Bible for Normal People

A podcast is hosted by Peter Enns and Jared Byas.

They interview people about regarding their view and interpretation of the Bible. Although I don’t particularly feel like Peter and Jared are all that great at interviewing people, the people they have interviewed have been great.

http://thebiblefornormalpeople.podbean.com

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bible-for-normal-people/id1215420422?mt=2

What is the Bible? 

A new book by Rob Bell.

I’m not even halfway into this book right now, but for me I find Rob’s understanding of the Bible extremely helpful and encouraging. One of my favorite lines is when he was asked if he takes the Bible literally. And he says that he doesn’t take the Bible literally, he takes it literately. Some people may think that he therefore is a heretic or a has a very low view of the Bible, but as he explains his views and understanding of the Bible, you quickly realize that this view is actually a higher view of the Bible when contrasted to those who believe that it is only right to take the Bible as literally as possible.

I also listen to Rob’s podcast and watch his Facebook live videos and it’s hard to not find his joy and excitement contagious. Sometimes when I just need a lift of positivity I go see if Rob as put anything out recently because he’s always carefree, full of grace, and laughing.

“The Science of Sinning Less,”

Christianity Today cover article for May 2017

I work with at-risk teenage girls. I am constantly thinking about behavioral strategies while also thinking about trying to instill an inner willpower for good in these girls, my own two little boys, and myself. This article uses a simple but powerful metaphor to explain how self-control, willpower, and our behavioral routines are all tied to our spiritual development and our daily life.

“Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front”

A poem by Wendall Berry that I revisit nearly every day for inspiration. So many great lines. I love the message it teaches.

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Finding God in the Waves

A book by Mike McHargue.

I read this book a couple months ago, but I think of it constantly. I love how much “Science Mike” connected the functions of the brain to our person and our faith. I think he found an incredible balance in his book of how to understand what we know about the science of our brains and how God relates with us and this world.

Hidden Brain

A podcast by Shankar Vedantam

I love sociology, psychology, and anything about the science of the brain. This podcast addresses all of those areas and I usually find the discussions in this podcast extremely interesting and applicable. 

http://www.npr.org/series/423302056/hidden-brain

The Leftovers: Season 3

A TV show on HBO. 

The Leftovers may be one of the best shows on television in the last few years. Season 2 might be my favorite season of TV since The Sopranos. But this season is also incredible, and it feels like it has the most biblical references of any of the seasons. The psychological dread that I feel as I watch this comes dangerously close to how I feel when I watch the news regarding Trump, too. But the mystery of what is to come (there are only two more episodes left in the series) is extremely exciting and I can only hope that it ends better than the last episode of Lost. (It has the same writer, but he said he learned his mistake. We’ll see…)

The Handmaid’s Tale: Season 1

A TV show on Hulu.

This is a dark show in many ways. It’s another dystopian story that feels a little to close to home. But the biblical imagery that it uses is extremely provoking and has caused me to do a deep dive into the story of Jacob and his wives and his wives’ handmaids. Lots of interesting theological elements to wrestle with. In some ways it feels like the age of biblical patriarchs recast into a modern context, told from the women’s perspective. 

The story of Jacob 

Found in the book of Genesis in the Bible. 

There are so many aspects of the life of Jacob that seem very strange to me. But I have been fascinated with his story for about a month now and have done lots of reading and research about him and his story as we know it. Perhaps the most significant element of his life that I have found to shape how I’m thinking right now is his wrestling match with God, as it is explained in Genesis. He wrestles with the angel, his hip is knocked out of place with a touch, and he holds onto the angel with all his might and refuses to let go until God blesses him. After the wrestle his name is changed to Israel, which roughly means, one who wrestles with God. And _this_ is the name that the Jewish nation takes on. And I think we can find good meaning for ourselves in that exchange with God. 

The Paradoxical Commandments

A book and “commandments” by Kent M. Keith.

These commandments hung on the walls of Mother Teresa’s home in Calcutta. They speak to a deep sense of purpose and meaning that we can possess which seem to be upside down. They seem to be counterintuitive. They seem to be paradoxical. 

I made them into a PDF if you’d like to check them out. 

Paradoxical Commandments

Five Senses: sunlight and bottles

Touch: The shirt I’m wearing air dried soon after being washed. And it’s stiff. I stopped drying my shirts a while back because they kept shrinking and it bothers me to wear shirts that are too small. I was thinking the other day about how I really don’t care about name brands of clothes. I just want stuff that will last and that I personally like. I don’t really care what brand of clothing it is. But when I hang out with other people, they are constantly giving each other compliments on each other’s clothing – whether it’s the 2016 edition of some Under Armour or the 2017. I just like t-shirts and zip-up sweatshirts and jeans. I couldn’t care less about name brands or what year a certain line of sweaters came out. I just don’t want to stand out for being cool or for being not cool. 

Taste: I have the lingering taste of coffee in my mouth. I had a bowl of cereal this morning, but I feel like I want something more. I have been trying to be better about what I’ve been eating, but I’ve been incredibly inconsistent. But as the weather gets warmer and I’m outside more, I realize more and more how much I want to just be in better shape. How I want to lose weight. It’s just going to mean that I watch what I eat for lunch. That’s when I am more likely to eat junk fast food and things.

Sarah is currently going grocery shopping for the week and she was just commenting on how she’s glad that I am not picky about what we eat. And I’m not. I really like the fact that we have teenage girls to help with the prep, the cooking, and cleaning. I pretty much enjoy any meal we have. I try to always remain grateful for the food we eat. I love having such a variety of foods all the time. 

See: The sun is shining. And it’s so nice. Warm sun pouring through the windows. Light and shadows thrown around the dining room and our cactus room brings such peace to me. We’ve slowly been trying to make our apartment into a warm home. We have slowly been getting more and more decorations for the house. House plants, cacti, art. Sarah just got some long bottles and a long wooden box for a centerpiece. Today she’s getting some flowers to put in it. I really like how things have slowly been coming around. 

Smell: I breathe in today a deep breath. I had a full weekend and Monday. My sister and her husband were in town for the weekend. I hung out with them on Sunday evening, eating dinner with them. They came and visited Boys Town for the first time for a few hours. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday, and so we went to visit her at her home for a little bit and then we went out for ice cream and then to the library. 

Hear: Right now the house is quiet with no kids. No TV. No teenagers. Just me. The refrigerator is going, and there’s the click of the coffee maker. I hear some construction trucks outside somewhere on campus. There’s always projects being worked on, which I’m thankful for. I love our campus. 

Emotion: Happy. I’m feeling pretty good today. With the sun shining, getting some alone time, and having prom over with (it was last Friday), things have slowed down just for a moment. 

Five Senses: in the cactus room

Touch: There’s cool air coming in from the vent above me. I feel it on my skin. It makes me long for spring to finally get here and stay here. We’ve had really dark and gloomy days these past couple weeks, and it makes it so we can’t send the kids outside to play on the playground. It makes our days off harder too because then we’re stuck inside with not much to do. I look forward to feeling the sun on my skin and the cool breeze of the spring air. My favorite kind of weather is a day with lots of warm sunlight, but with a cool steady breeze.

Taste: I’m drinking coffee right now, and it actually tastes pretty good overall. Usually the morning coffee from the coffee maker isn’t very good. But I think it’s very much influenced by what I ate for breakfast and how tired I am. I had some cinnamon toast crunch this morning, which is pretty much the unanimous favorite cereal of the girls, and I think the cinnamon taste left my mouth prepped and ready to go for whatever kind of garbage coffee I might put into my body.

See: Right now I am sitting in the room that has the most light. It has the most life. It is the most welcoming room in our home. In front of three large windows we have a ledge with all sorts of succulents and cacti. I love this room. It brings me peace.

While I say that though I read and saw a video of some horrible atrocities in Syria with people being gassed and killed by their own government. Again. It’s just the worst thing. And I just don’t know how to process it. My brain and heart are too full to know how to even address it. That’s not even to mention trying to figure out how I categorize events like these theologically.

I know that people I respect also struggle to know what to do with events like this too:

Smell: Although I don’t smell anything specific right now, I am reminded that I can take a moment to breathe in a long, slow breath. To stop and reflect. I am sitting in the middle of the United States of America. I’m safe. How greatly has that shaped my perceptions about God, the Bible, and my faith? What would my faith look right now if I were in Syria?

Hear: The house is quiet. Micah is at school. Ezra is in the back with Sarah. I am sitting alone and I am enjoying this time. I hear trucks pass out the window from time to time, but otherwise it is very quiet.

Emotion: Right now I am feeling tender. I am not particularly happy, nor am I particularly sad. I’m sensitive. News stories about Trump, North Korea, Syria, etc. easily sway my mood and my heart right now.


After thinking for a while and looking at resources on suffering and things, I saw this great video about the book of Job.

Five Senses: at the end of the table

Touch: The air feels cooler than normal in the home. I haven’t had a shower in a couple days. I was too busy yesterday, and by the time I had time last night I just wanted to get into bed. So today I feel kind of gross. I’ll probably take a shower here soon.

Taste: I’ve been up since 5:00 am today because the boys got up and refused to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to put one kid in our room with Sarah while I stayed in. We often will do that to see if we can sneak out a few more minutes of sleep. But Sarah was up late last night, and I didn’t think Micah or Ezra would actually go back to sleep if I put one of them in there with her. Sarah sleeps through practically anything, so that would mean whichever kid I would put in there would start getting into all sorts of things in our bedroom while she slept. So I just tried to convince the kids to go back to sleep, but the refused. So right now I’m tasting my second cup of automatic drip folders coffee. These days I don’t really care how my coffee tastes. Just as long as it isn’t burnt and it has caffeine. I need it a lot more these days.

See: Briefly this morning there was some sunlight that came through the windows. It’s been a pretty dark and gloomy week and a half or so with lots of clouds, rain, cooler temps, and little to no sunlight. I’ve found that multiple days without sunlight makes me feel quite lethargic. I love seeing rays of sunlight poor through the windows and onto the table and on the various plants we have throughout the dining room and our cactus room.

Smell: Ezra was just standing behind me, and clearly he had a dirty diaper. He still isn’t potty trained. And I keep wondering if we’re kind of failing him in that regard. He can go potty when we really prompt him, but then he had a few days where he struggled to go potty and needed help clearing out his system (without going in more detail). Thankfully Sarah took him and changed his diaper for me.

Hear: The TV is on behind me. Ezra was watching it for a little while, and then he left. So there’s just kids television playing behind me filling the home with unnecessary noise. Every once and a while I hear the click of the heater on the coffee maker, reminding me that there’s still more gross coffee should I need a third cup.

Emotion: Frustrated. This morning I lost a lot of sleep. The boys got me flustered and upset. And that’s never a good start to the day. I have a men’s Bible study that I go to once a week on Tuesdays. It’s been cancelled the last couple weeks. Today I was looking forward to going, but one of our girls was getting out of our intervention and assessment home and Sarah needed to attend a meeting for her that lasted the exact time that Bible study occurs. When I miss events like this, I get upset. Another thing that’s frustrated me about today. Hopefully the day will get better.

Shelter

Last night I went to a homeless shelter with five of my girls. During one of the rounds of serving food (there were four) a boy who looked to be the same age as my own four year old son came in. He had clearly been there before. Most of the staff knew him by name. He waited around until someone got him a high chair. As soon as he sat down, he pulled out a toy car that he had with him and started playing with it while he waited for someone to give him some chicken and some chocolate milk.

The kitchen manager came out and asked the boy, “Where’s your mom tonight? Where’s your sister and brother?”
The little boy shrugged, and just kept playing with his car.

The kitchen manager seemed unsurprised, but still visibly irritated that his mother wasn’t there.

Eventually she came by and had a very small baby and another toddler with her. We served them food, but it definitely hit me deeper than any of the other people we fed that night. I can’t even imagine. Three kids four and younger. Homeless. Relying on a shelter for food. Relying on the charity of others for her and her children to survive.